About 8 months ago I volunteered at an event for teenaged girls in foster care that live in a local group home. That's where I met Mary (name changed), a 15 year old girl, for the first time. There were about 8 women from our church present that Sunday afternoon and we doted on -and nail polished -and curled hair for about 6 girls. I connected with several of the girls and truthfully didn't even interact with Mary that much, but something about her stayed with me.
Over the course of a few months I saw her a few more times, enough that she recognized me each time I saw her. Again it was at different volunteer events where new adult women would shower the girls from the home with attention for an afternoon- be it over cooking together, painting together or playing dress-up. The girls knew I had been a foster mom so I think that gave me some clout in their eyes. And while working on projects side by side they would open up to me about their lives. I felt honored that they trusted me, but also really I knew that I was one of many people including case workers and lawyers and mentors and DHS workers and teachers that they had shared their stories with. It felt unnatural for the girls to have so many shallow relationships with adult women. I always left my "volunteering time" with a pit in my stomach. They didn't need one more adult friend, who loved them for an afternoon. They needed a mom.
My draw to Mary became stronger. I would day dream about her being my daughter. To be clear I had no business adopting a 15 year old girl. I have 6 boys that run me ragged all day and DHS would never approve fitting one more child in our tiny house. I wasn't sure why God wouldn't let me look away from her though. I contacted the director of the group home and fumbled through my explanation of how I couldn't adopt right now, but I felt called to Mary. The gracious director assured me that wasn't weird at all and people have that experience all the time. I inquired about becoming a mentor and found out that after some paperwork and a home interview we could be allowed to bring Mary home for weekend passes. That sounded better than a random event every other month or so.
I confided in a friend about my absurd obsession with Mary and she got to meet her for herself a few months later. Wouldn't you know my friend fell in love with her too. Honestly, it would be hard not to when Mary would outright joke- but not really joke- "Don't you want a daughter? I can clean and help around the house." It was torture to watch this 15 year old girl market herself. The good news was my friend actually had a house big enough to take in one more child and even had a current home study. Suddenly, God wouldn't let her look away either.
She talked with her husband Friday night and by Monday they wanted to adopt Mary and had contacted her adoption worker. How perfect, I thought. Mary would have a mom and a dad and all brothers just like what she would have gotten with us. I started to think, maybe that was my part in all this anyway- to connect her to my new friend- and to her new family. Funny how God moves sometimes.
BUT as it turns out another family from out of town had also recently inquired about Mary. DHS stated they would compare notes on this family and my friend's family and decide which would be the best fit.
Mary was matched with the family from NW Arkansas. Funny how you think it was God moving, but maybe He wasn't after all.
My friend and I were both perplexed. What was the point of that roller coaster? Why were we both so drawn to her when nothing came of it at all? I still don't know. I hope it will make sense someday. But regardless, I am truly delighted for Mary. I ran into her a few weeks ago and she had a picture of her new parents. She beamed when I told her she kinda looked like her new mom. And she really does.
Just this morning, Mary texted me and said she was back from a 2 week pass with her new family and would be moving home forever on Thursday. I can't imagine what that must feel like. If you are curious like me then you want to know too. And so in her nervousness and excitement Mary offered to do a little Q&A to give us insight into her thoughts as she FINALLY leaves foster care and becomes someone's daughter.
INTERVIEW WITH MARY:
Tell us a little about your foster experience?
When I came into care I was 9 years old and now I am 15 years old. Being in foster care has been a big part of my life.
What makes you most excited about being adopted?
The most exciting part is knowing that I'm gonna have a support system and a family to go to for Holidays for the rest of my life.
Do you think it will be hard to bond with your new family?
In some ways bonding is going to be difficult because I'm coming into an unfamiliar place and trying to fit in as if I have been here my whole life.
What has been the hardest thing about being in foster care?
The hardest part is feeling alone. Sometimes it's easy to feel underprivileged.
How does it feel to get matched with strangers and know they might be your family someday?
Meeting a potential family can be sorta stressful. You don't know what to expect and you're afraid you're going to be a disappointment.
Are you getting a new name, what do you think about that?
Yes once I'm adopted my name will be changed. I think it's a great way to have a complete fresh start.
What are your feelings toward your birth family, do you have any contact with them?
I still have contact with my birth family but I wouldn't say there is a real connection.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
In 5 years I see myself graduating college and starting my career. I plan on staying with my adoptive family.
What would you like to say to families that want to adopt but they are scared?
Adoption is definitely something you need to have a passion for. It's an adjustment for everyone. AS soon as you get the right child for your family you will just know.
Do you think this story has always been God's plan for your life?
I definitely think it is the plan for my life.
I hope you can see in Mary the heart I fell in love with, that my friend fell in love with. What God does with that love I am anxious to find out.
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