If you are like me, you have read a-lot of books, watched a-lot of videos, and talked to a-lot of other Momma's about handling the hard behaviors that can come with kids from hard places.
Lately I've been joking with my husband that the "hard place" our kids come from is not their birth family, but our family. I don't really mean that of course:) But as you can imagine, with our six boys, we are not short on chaos. The drama has actually calmed quite a bit in the last few months. I can honestly say that most of the things we deal with on a day to day basis are not what I would consider "adoption issues." It's really just typical developmental stuff from the two littles, combined with sibling dynamics, combined with everyone still working on the selfless nature it takes to live in a large family.
What I'm really discovering is that when we do have hard days, sometimes it has nothing to do with my boys and everything to do with me.
Sometimes we struggle in our family NOT because the youngest three are working through a sense of loss, NOT because they don't feel attached to us, NOT because every negative behavior is a need, NOT because they are black and we are white, and NOT for a million other reputable reasons I've read about. Sometimes we struggle because this Momma is tired, and pre-occupied, and trying to text a friend and snaps because her name has been called 354 times in the last hour.
Sometimes it's me.
I've recently stumbled upon two Momma bloggers who are also sounding off to say: Sometimes it's me. Check them out, I think it will grow you.
Blog #1:
This momma has four boys (bio only I think) and discovered that the reason she yelled so much was not really her kid's fault. There are multiple hyperlinks within this one post where she shares some great how-to steps, some insightful ways to track your own triggers, and some alternatives to yelling. Find her here:
http://theorangerhino.com/12-steps-to-stop-yelling-at-your-kid/
Blog #2:
This momma who writes under an alias also has four boys...Hmm I'm picking up on a theme here :)... (2 bio and 2 adopted from a group home out of age order). And she seems like a lady I would love to have coffee with. I totally binged on her blog over the course of a few days and have read every single post. Spoiler alert: She has been through the ringer. For example, one of her boys with RAD went through a phase where he would pull up the hardwood planks in his upstairs bedroom and pee into the newly created hole causing the urine to leak through the drywall and drip through the ceiling downstairs. And repeated every night. Wowzers. Kinda makes my freak out response-to my son calling my name a bajillion times-while I'm typing out a text-seem like a bit of an over reaction on my part!!
AND even though she has a child with a RAD diagnosis, she has some great insight and believes that despite some crazy behaviors from her kids -like indoor raining urine- sometimes the hard days are still her fault.
Check out one of her archived posts here:
http://www.thisradmom.com/2013/11/behaviorally-speaking.html
And then go back and read more of her stuff!
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